Learning to Listen : MTAM 1st Conference Reflections

It's been just over one week since I attended Learning to Listen : Voices of Sexual Diversity and the Catholic Church, a one day conference held at Fordham University that was part of a four-conference series entitled More Than a Monologue, which is intended to (paraphrased from a descriptor on the Fordham University website) "open conversation and foster respectful dialogue on sexual diversity issues within the community of faith (Catholic) and beyond". I have to say that I was very impressed with the speakers and the production of the conference. The event was well planned and moderated, and there were even refreshments!

One of the articles from the conference that I was most taken by was the Statement of Principles (for respectful dialogue) found within the itinerary pamphlet of the day's event and created by Learning To Listen's Organizing committee. Listed here in a shortened, edited form (by yours truly) they are:

1) Listen first - Do not interrupt others, defer to the moderator ...

2) Presume good will - on the part of a conversation partner. Avoid linking someone else's view to a perceived subtext or unstated goal that you take to be negative.

3) Engage the ideas - at face value.

4) Approach difference of opinion as a positive - Focus on the opportunities that difference provides

5) Seek to understand complexity - avoid sweeping stereotypes

6) Speak for yourself.

7) Avoid language that disengages - aim for comments that welcome productive engagement rather than dismiss, polarize or push away.

Now I have paraphrased these just a bit (for the sake of brevity) but I felt that I had to list them, as I found the principles both helpful and challenging. I say challenging but they were almost confronting in that I could see how much I fail to live up to more than a few of them in my day to day exchanges. These ideals were well constructed and I couldn't help but wonder if every exchange, every dialogue in my life could incorporate just a bit of the spirit of openness and optimism found on this list, how much more value might I add to my days (not to mention the world around me)?

The talks of the day were broken up into three parts; the first entitled "Identity and Practice in Everyday Life" focused on the personal stories of LGBT persons/advocates and their lives and Catholic or Post-Catholic faith. This was my favorite of the days sessions and I am glad that Fordham University has posted video of the sessions (hyper-linked above and below) so that persons who were not able to attend can experience the event for themselves. I identified with the first speaker, Kate Henley Averett, who spoke eloquently of her heartbreak from the "official" Catholic Church and her move toward a Post-Catholic identity, in regards to her faith. I, too, left the Catholic church in 2001, expressly due to the "official" Catholic Church's stance on homosexuality and it's hurtful, scapegoating proclamations against the LGBT Community. I became a Buddhist and am only back "officially" within the ranks of Confirmed Catholics for less than a year, having been lead here by a profound spiritual experience and the nudging of what I take to be the Holy Spirit.

While listening to her speak, I began to reflect on my own pains and let-downs by the Church. I thought it possible that my pain might imply some underlying respect for Church Authority and the Hierarchy ... akin to the childhood sting of parental disapproval (a disapproval that hurts because one loves and respects their parents (typically) and hopes for their approval and endeavors to do right by them). I think that I used to have that deep respect for the "official" Church ... somewhere. Maybe I had it by default, through being raised with good Catholic patterning. I have most certainly lost it now, and I'm not sure that I miss it.

Perhaps that is the difference between infantile blind faith and adult discernment; a willingness to see the Churches Leaders and Authority as human first, respect worthy but fallible, and like me just trying to do their best (in the best case scenario, of course, with full benefit of the doubt).

I think that I have to watch my disrespect and suspicion though. I tend to joke about the leaders as "Big Hats" sometimes and at other times refer to them as the Pharisees and Scribes. While this is true sometimes (often in relation to LGBT and Women's Concerns) it is not always the case and I have to concede that there are a number of leaders that I deeply respect, both within the "official" Church hierarchy and most definitely within the Church at large. Perhaps my occasional inclination toward disrespect of Church officials is a safety device, a distancing that might be filed under the subheading, "If they don't matter, they can't hurt me". I guess time will tell and the Holy Spirit will heal, "con el favor de Dios" or "God Willing" as my Grandmother is fond of saying. I hope to continue moving toward a middle ground in regard to Catholic Church "officials", a mindset tempered by both healthy skepticism and healthy optimism, secure in a personal validation from a much Higher Source.

Other segments of the Conference include "Work Lives, Work Places, Public Spaces" that tended to focus on the intersection between personal faith and public life and the final segment of the day, the "Evening Forum" which seemed a bit more general and broad in it's focus, perhaps as a general overview of concerns for the great increase in number of attendees post work day.

I again, thought the day was great and was reminded that while the Conference series perhaps envisions or hopes for growth through dialogue in this area (LGBT Concerns and the Catholic Church) it didn't seem that there were any pointed agendas or strategies or target goals. I am glad for this. It seems much more spiritual, more like a conversation, to simply engage the topic and practice mindful tracing of the forms the dialogue takes. Or to quote from another spiritual group "We take action and let go of the results ..."

The next installment of the More than a Monologue Conference series happens this coming Saturday, Oct 1st, 2011 at Union Theological Seminary in NYC. Entitled "Pro-Queer Life: Youth Suicide Crisis, Catholic Education and the Souls of LGBTQ People" it has a youth focus and will be keynoted by sex advice columnist, author and founder of the It Get's Better Project, Dan Savage! I can't wait to hear what he has to say!

Uncertainly Yours,

Andre